Damaged Goods

© 2012

A play in 2 acts by Don Kellin

 

Cast of characters

Rose Goldfarb, 76, a widow

Murray Goldfarb 76, (deceased husband's ghost)

Sandra Goldfarb, 43, their daughter

Barton Bernstein, 42, Sandra's boyfriend

Tim McCrane, 42, a mover

Harold Schapiro, 76, Murray's ex-partner

 

The entire action takes place in a Riverdale, Bronx, NY apartment

Time: Mid January 1974

 

 

ACT 1: 

SCENE 1:

TIME: 4:00 AM. Mid-January 1974.

SOUND: None

SCENE: The cut away right to left of the living room and master bedroom of the Goldfarb apartment in Riverdale, the Bronx, New York.
Seventies decor defines the space. The living room right wall has a doorway leading to the offstage kitchen, the left wall has two. The upstage door leads to Sandra Goldfarb’s offstage bedroom. The downstage door leads to the master. In the master, a pair of night stands, each with a table lamp, frame a king bed, headboard against right wall, foot in the center of the room opposite a window on the left wall. A pill bottle, a book and a drooping plant sit on top of the downstage night stand. A walker rests against it.
An upholstered chair and a small table and lamp sit in deep shadow to the left of the window.
In the living room, a mirror-top coffee table, a dish of macaroons and a telephone resting on it, stands in front of a sofa that hugs the back wall. Two upholstered chairs face the left and right sides of the coffee table.
Two end tables with table lamps abut each end of the sofa. On the back wall, two large windows, the lower halves covered with peaks of frost, frame the setting. Light from the windows illuminates the snow flurries floating outside.
Hanging paintings frame an old record player sitting on a lone table against the left wall.

AT RISE: ROSE GOLDFARB, illuminated by  moonlight streaming through the bedroom window opposite the foot of her bed, struggles to get comfortable on the middle of the bed. She moves to the downstage bed stand, leans over, turns on the table lamp, picks up the book, attempts to read for awhile, puts the book back on the night stand, tries to tap a drooping leaf up, turns off the light. Bathed in moonlight again, she moves back to the middle of the bed, tries to get comfortable. Finally, she moves to a slip of mattress along the down stage side, moves the pillows under her shoulders and head, rests against them, still can't get comfortable, turns the light back on, debates making a call, dials.

LIGHTS UP stage right on SANDRA GOLDFARB, in a bed, sleeping next to BARTON BERNSTEIN.  The  PHONE RINGS. She springs up, picks up the phone. He doesn’t budge.

SANDRA
What’s the matter?

No response.

SANDRA
Mom?
ROSE
I’m out of oatmeal.
BARTON
(not budging)
What’s up?

Sandra covers speaker end of phone when she talks to Barton.

SANDRA
(to Barton)
My Mom’s out of oatmeal.
BARTON
She’s what?
SANDRA
(to Barton)
She’s out of oatmeal.
(to Rose)
You’re out of oatmeal?
ROSE
You heard correctly.
SANDRA
And that’s why you called?
ROSE
Exactly.
BARTON
Is that why she called?
SANDRA
(to Barton)
Exactly.
(to Rose)
Mom, are you okay?
BARTON
You must be kidding.
ROSE
Why do you ask?
SANDRA
You’re calling me about oatmeal.
ROSE
Who should I call?
SANDRA
Are you in bed?
ROSE
Yes, I am.
SANDRA
What city is your bed in?
ROSE
What kind of a question is that?
SANDRA
What city is your bed in?
ROSE
Washington. I’m at The Watergate, and something funny is going on next door.
SANDRA
Mom!
ROSE
Sandra, I’m in our apartment in my bed in my bedroom.
SANDRA
What city is your bedroom in?
ROSE
Riverdale.
SANDRA
What city is Riverdale in?
ROSE
It’s in the Bronx.
SANDRA
And what city is the Bronx in?
ROSE
New York City.
SANDRA
Mom, what city am I in?
ROSE
San Diego.
SANDRA
What time is it in San Diego?
ROSE
What do I win if I get them all right?
SANDRA
Mom, it’s two o’clock in the morning out here.
ROSE
That’s not my fault.
SANDRA
Is it your hip?
ROSE
The new one or the old one?
SANDRA
I’ll be home in a few days.
ROSE
What makes you think I’ll be alive in a few days?
SANDRA
I’m a stock broker. I’m immune to guilt.
ROSE
When are you coming home?
SANDRA
I’ll be home in a few days, Mama. Please try to get some sleep.
ROSE
A few days here, a few days there. It’s been too many few days. I don’t like that you’ve been away so long.
SANDRA
Your two dozen phone calls have made that quite clear. I’ll be home soon.
ROSE
When?
SANDRA
On Sunday.
ROSE
Why not Saturday?
SANDRA
Try to get some sleep.
ROSE
I miss your father.
SANDRA
So do I. I miss him a lot ...... It takes time, Mama.
(LONG PAUSE)
SANDRA
Mom?
ROSE
Come home on Saturday.
SANDRA
I’ll be home Sunday.
ROSE
Then I lied to you.
SANDRA
About what?
ROSE
I have oatmeal.

Rose puts down the phone, TURNS OFF THE LIGHT, sits there staring at the window.

BARTON
When are you going to tell her about us?
Sandra continues to stare forward as LIGHTS FADE ON THEM. Rose tries to get comfortable, doesn’t. She sits up again, turns on the light, stares at the plant.
ROSE
What are you staring at? I feed you. I give you a drink. I move you from room to room and you still droop. Don’t complain. The same thing’s happening to me except I’m not in dirt yet.

She TURNS OFF THE LIGHT, drops back on the pillow.

ROSE
Murray, I still can’t get comfortable in the middle of the  bed. I stare at the ceiling even though I cant see it... I stare at what’s left for me, but I can’t see that either... Murray, I don’t sleep anymore... Maybe it’s because I wake up each morning with less of me than the night before. Maybe I’m afraid I’ll be sleeping when you show up. Where are you, already? Murray, I don’t like to be alone like this!!
MURRAY (V.O.)
Who’s says you’re alone?

LAMP LIGHT COMES UP from the small table lamp next to the window illuminating the GHOST OF MURRAY GOLDFARB sitting in the upholstered chair wearing a cap with ear flaps and a scarf wrapped around his neck. She cranes toward him, grabs the bottle of pills, flings it at him.

MURRAY
That costs money.
ROSE
Not yours... You didn’t leave me enough for a bagel. Where have you been since your unveiling?
MURRAY
I was reflecting.
ROSE
Reflecting what?

Murray leans forward, shakes a finger at Rose.

MURRAY
‘Loving Father and Husband?’ That’s what you put on my stone!? Every stone at the God-damned cemetery says the same God-damned thing!  Murray Goldfarb deserves a better saying than every other schlamiel in that place.... ‘Loving Husband and Father?’ You and my daughter couldn’t be a little creative?
ROSE
So that’s why you disappeared for two months?
MURRAY
What about, ‘Here Lies Murray Goldfarb, He Predicted The Miniskirt!’
ROSE
(angrily)
What about, ‘Here Lies Murray Goldfarb. He’s Dead!’
MURRAY
All of a sudden you’re the angry one? This is not fair. I was just the angry one. What just happened here? I was the victim in our bedroom... Nothing changes when you’re dead.
ROSE
Go manufacture a peddle pusher.
MURRAY
I’m retired.
ROSE
(faux anger)
Tell me one morning you let me sleep when you went to work.
Tell me one morning you closed the bathroom door so the change didn’t bounce off the dresser.

SHE TURNS THE LAMP OFF.

MURRAY
So I made a little noise.
ROSE
A little noise.
A moment passes. She turns the lamp on, puts on her glasses, gives him the once-over.
ROSE
You can still catch a cold?
MURRAY
Why should I take chances?
He rises, takes off his hat and scarf, walks to Rose.
MURRAY
Is it so bad a husband loved to have a conversation with his wife before he went to work?
ROSE
“Rose, I’m going to be home late,” is not a conversation.
MURRAY
And I never even said, “ Good Morning?”
ROSE
“Good morning, Rose, I’m going to be home late,” is also not a conversation.
MURRAY
If Ford can forgive Nixon, you can forgive me.
ROSE
Nixon doesn’t wake Ford up every morning.
MURRAY
Okay, okay. You win. I was a terrible husband.
ROSE
I didn’t say that.
MURRAY
Then what did you say?
ROSE
You woke me up.
MURRAY
It’s the same thing.
ROSE
Someone who loves someone doesn’t disappear for two months.
MURRAY
Someone who loves someone? We were married 45 years!
ROSE
I had the same dishes for 45 years.
MURRAY
That’s not fair..! It’s not fair..! This is what I get for running around like a chicken without a head..!
“Murray, it’s not in this season!”
“Murray, you’re not with it anymore!”
“The hems are too low, Murray!”
“The hems are too high. Murray!”
“Murray, you have to keep up!”
“Murray, you should see what Feingold Fashions is showing...!”
You never appreciated how hard I worked... Do you think it was easy with the young Turks popping up one week after another? Do you think it was a picnic with those unions? Give an inch and they took a yard. Give them a yard and they became my partner... They forgot I wanted to unionize when the owners were screaming they’d break my legs... Rose, I had a business to run!
ROSE
And I could have helped you run it.
MURRAY
Like my mother did for my father? Working until she was exhausted?
ROSE
So I sat home until I was exhausted.
MURRAY
No wife of mine was going to schlep back and forth to that jungle every day. It wasn’t for you.
ROSE
What was for me?
MURRAY
Being there for me when I came home. Raising our daughter. It wasn’t for you.
(PAUSE)
ROSE
You couldn’t even leave the shop to come home to die.
MURRAY
Again with the coming home!?  We had samples to get out!
ROSE
What’s more important than coming home to die?
MURRAY
The Bergdorf’s buyer.
ROSE
How many nights I sat waiting for you. I cooked in the kitchen. I sat in the kitchen. I sat in the dining room. I sat, and I waited, and I tried to imagine what you were doing... What was so important... I cooked... I sat and waited... and waited... I was better than Houdini. I turned liver into leather.

Her chin drops. He prods it up.

MURRAY
It wasn’t your fault. It was that lousy butcher. You were trying to turn that leather he sold you into liver. You were a miracle worker. You added some chicken fat and onions and ‘poof’ you made a treat.
ROSE
And “poof,”  if I was in the shop while you were out selling they wouldn’t have played pinochle all day instead of working.
MURRAY
Again with that.
ROSE
And “poof” I made patterns better than your pattern maker.
MURRAY
-- and  you made brisket better than anyone in any deli in New York.

He strokes her cheek.

MURRAY
Enough, sweetheart.

He continues to stroke her cheek.

ROSE
Murray, I made oatmeal twice this morning. I didn’t realize it until I saw the first pot in the sink.

She turns her head away. He gently cradles it back.

MURRAY
(singing )
Grey skies are gonna clear up.
Put on a happy face
Wipe off the clouds and cheer up.
Put on a happy face.
ROSE
Do they let you sing?
MURRAY
It took a little persuading.
ROSE
My husband the salesman.
MURRAY
You’re not kidding. I was as good as they get.... I was better then they get.... That’s why Murray Goldfarb had to take over the selling, and his fabulous, bandit, bastard, lazy, alligator shoe’d, silk-suit-son-of-a-bitch, philanderer, ex-partner, Harold Shapiro ---
ROSE
(correcting)
Schap(eye)ro.
MURRAY
Excuse me!  That’s why your husband had to handle manufacturing and the selling, while his good for nothing partner, who couldn’t pronounce his own name, handled his baytzim.
ROSE
He wasn’t my idea. If you had let me help, you wouldn’t have needed Harold.
MURRAY
I needed the money.
ROSE
You wouldn’t have needed his money if you had let me help you.
MURRAY
That ganif --
ROSE
-- Enough with him already!
MURRAY
Enough with him already?! For me it’s never “enough with him already.” He stole from me!
ROSE
It was his money, and without it you would have been working in Macys.
MURRAY
Once it’s in the business it’s the business’s money.
ROSE
He needed money like you needed a hernia.
MURRAY
So his father left him a few bucks.
ROSE
And your father left you 4 dozen crinolines.
MURRAY
(taking exception)
Manny Goldfarb was the king of crinolines!
ROSE
Harold’s probably all dressed up in his silk suit laying somewhere near you by now.
MURRAY
He better keep his distance... I’m warning him.
ROSE
He was a good man. God only knows what got into him.
MURRAY
A good man? Does a good man open the safe and run away with the money and your credit line when the new season has to be financed..? Schapiro was better than you and Houdini. He turned the Queen Mary into a canoe. (POINTING TOWARD THE LIVING ROOM) And why is the putz’s picture out in my living room again?  He’s back in there laughing on our coffee table.
ROSE
You decided to stop coming so I decided to take the picture out. Murray, it’s the only good picture of the two of us with Sandra.
MURRAY
Then a compromise is in order. Take a scissor, and cut the mamzer-bastard out of it!
ROSE
What about his arm around Sandra?
MURRAY
Color it brown. It’ll look like a stole.
ROSE
Relax already.

He walks to his chair, sits.

MURRAY
Relax already..? I’m plenty relaxed inside that Walnut Paradise Model 32B Sandra picked out.  For a few bucks more 32A was nicer. There’s not enough room to fart in 32B.... For what those ganifs charged her for that shoe box, she could have treated us to a year in Israel.                     
 ROSE
And who would have carried you around...?
MURRAY
“Murray, you’re dead.” “Murray, who would have carried you around?” You don’t have to keep reminding me.
ROSE
You’re lucky she saved a little here and there or she wouldn’t have the down payment for this place...
Why isn’t she home? She’s never been away for so long.
MURRAY
First you complain I didn’t take enough time off and now you complain that she takes too much. Make up your mind, already.
ROSE
This is different.
MURRAY
Count your blessings. At least she comes home for dinner every night.
ROSE
Not like her father.
MURRAY
I didn’t come home? Murray Goldfarb didn’t come home..? I came home and she comes home. I took care of you and she takes care of you.
ROSE
Rose Goldfarb, the plant.
MURRAY
What’s the problem?
ROSE
That’s the problem.
MURRAY
I didn’t drop dead to get aggravated... I have to go.
ROSE
Don’t go.
MURRAY
I have to.
ROSE
Stay with me.
MURRAY
I have to go.
ROSE
I’m sorry.
MURRAY
Apology accepted.

LAMP LIGHT STARTS FADING ON MURRAY, THEN STOPS.

MURRAY
Tell me you love me………………….I can’t come back unless you love me.
ROSE
You know I love you.
MURRAY
Then get the laughing hyena-son-of-a-bitch off my coffee table!

LAMP LIGHT FADES OUT ON MURRAY. SHE TURNS HER LAMP OFF. SHE’S BATHED IN MOONLIGHT AGAIN.

ROSE
I was awake every time you came home, Murray Goldfarb ... Every time you kissed my head I was awake... You thought I was sleeping... but I was wide awake.

BLACK OUT